Dr. Testori approached me staring at my chart, he didn't care to see me, my pain, nor my name. I began trying to focus on the doctor as he came in, but I felt so confused from the vertigo...and being in a foreign hospital made me uncomfortable, scared and alone. I wished I was back home with my neurologist and near my kids.
"How are you feeling today Ms. Solimanto?"
I thought, how do you think I feel? And like you care how I feel! I felt like smiling and saying "great" just to be a smart ass, but I didn't.
"Fine, thank you."
"I see you are on a lot of medications."
"Yeah, I guess I am."
"Well, you may want to consider going off some of them before you begin the transplant process."
I thought, huh? What? How could I go off of any of my medications? They were prescribed by various specialists for my conditions. I thought I needed them.
I replied, "I don't know which medications I should stop...I thought I needed all of them?"
Dr. Testori replied to my question with a question, "You need all of this pain medication?"
My eyes opened big...what was he getting at? That I wasn't in that much pain? He's an immunologist, not a neurologist or a pain management specialist..Has he even seen my MRI? Does he know that I'm riddled with lesions all over my brain and spinal cord? Can he fathom the pain I was in? Or does he see that I look fine...like everyone else...? I thought what an asshole..what a typical response from an uneducated person..I began to get pissed and uncomfortable.
I replied defensively, "My doctors prescribed it to me...it helps with pain. Trust me, if I didn't need it all, I wouldn't be taking it."
"Well maybe you have too many doctors, prescribing too much medication.."
I thought was that a question..or was he implying I was a drug seeker? I wasn't taking these drugs for fun! My MS is not a joke...I put my head down and began shaking it from side to side...
"Are you implying I'm a drug seeker?"
"Are you?"
"No! Do you think I take 13 prescriptions for fun? Don't you realize all of the side effects and how they make me feel awful?"
"You have to remember that you will be on many more medications after the Stem Cell Transplant...I just want you to be aware of that."
"I know..I read the handbook."
"Lets begin you on Solu-Medrol for the relapse and coumadin to prevent clots from forming."
"Okay, but I'd like to begin physical therapy right away."
He walked out and didn't respond to what I said. I felt humiliated and degraded. I'd never been asked or accused of being a drug seeker, by any doctor. Why would he be thinking this? I've never abused any of my medications...and my doctors had prescribed it all. I didn't understand why he'd think that. After all, the pain specialist I saw a few months ago advised me to start taking methadone! Although I took the prescription he handed me, I never filled it. I researched methadone, and it came up as drug used not only to treat severe pain, but also for recovering heroin addicts. I didn't want to take such a powerful, highly addictive drug as methadone. Although I knew it would be more effective at managing my pain, I didn't care. I was more concerned with the side effects and its addictive properties. Should I have told the doctor that? Why am I defending myself and why am I so defensive?
I began to feel very depressed...I didn't know what to think anymore. I thought, I wanted this Stem Cell Transplant, but I was becoming weary of the doctor's comments. If this was the second time meeting him..what was he going to be like in the future? I started to breathe deeply and tried to relax, but his insulting comments were running through my mind, over and over again.
I knew Dr. Testori was only an assistant...but I began to worry and wonder, how many more conflicts would I have with him?
I also began to wonder...Should I still have the Stem Cell Transplant....?
Read the beginning of this story here.
Read the second part of this story here.
"How are you feeling today Ms. Solimanto?"
I thought, how do you think I feel? And like you care how I feel! I felt like smiling and saying "great" just to be a smart ass, but I didn't.
"Fine, thank you."
"I see you are on a lot of medications."
"Yeah, I guess I am."
"Well, you may want to consider going off some of them before you begin the transplant process."
I thought, huh? What? How could I go off of any of my medications? They were prescribed by various specialists for my conditions. I thought I needed them.
I replied, "I don't know which medications I should stop...I thought I needed all of them?"
Dr. Testori replied to my question with a question, "You need all of this pain medication?"
My eyes opened big...what was he getting at? That I wasn't in that much pain? He's an immunologist, not a neurologist or a pain management specialist..Has he even seen my MRI? Does he know that I'm riddled with lesions all over my brain and spinal cord? Can he fathom the pain I was in? Or does he see that I look fine...like everyone else...? I thought what an asshole..what a typical response from an uneducated person..I began to get pissed and uncomfortable.
I replied defensively, "My doctors prescribed it to me...it helps with pain. Trust me, if I didn't need it all, I wouldn't be taking it."
"Well maybe you have too many doctors, prescribing too much medication.."
I thought was that a question..or was he implying I was a drug seeker? I wasn't taking these drugs for fun! My MS is not a joke...I put my head down and began shaking it from side to side...
"Are you implying I'm a drug seeker?"
"Are you?"
"No! Do you think I take 13 prescriptions for fun? Don't you realize all of the side effects and how they make me feel awful?"
"You have to remember that you will be on many more medications after the Stem Cell Transplant...I just want you to be aware of that."
"I know..I read the handbook."
"Lets begin you on Solu-Medrol for the relapse and coumadin to prevent clots from forming."
"Okay, but I'd like to begin physical therapy right away."
He walked out and didn't respond to what I said. I felt humiliated and degraded. I'd never been asked or accused of being a drug seeker, by any doctor. Why would he be thinking this? I've never abused any of my medications...and my doctors had prescribed it all. I didn't understand why he'd think that. After all, the pain specialist I saw a few months ago advised me to start taking methadone! Although I took the prescription he handed me, I never filled it. I researched methadone, and it came up as drug used not only to treat severe pain, but also for recovering heroin addicts. I didn't want to take such a powerful, highly addictive drug as methadone. Although I knew it would be more effective at managing my pain, I didn't care. I was more concerned with the side effects and its addictive properties. Should I have told the doctor that? Why am I defending myself and why am I so defensive?
I began to feel very depressed...I didn't know what to think anymore. I thought, I wanted this Stem Cell Transplant, but I was becoming weary of the doctor's comments. If this was the second time meeting him..what was he going to be like in the future? I started to breathe deeply and tried to relax, but his insulting comments were running through my mind, over and over again.
I knew Dr. Testori was only an assistant...but I began to worry and wonder, how many more conflicts would I have with him?
I also began to wonder...Should I still have the Stem Cell Transplant....?
Read the beginning of this story here.
Read the second part of this story here.
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