I was admitted that night to Northwestern Hospital because I was having a relapse. I couldn't believe it...I had just left Albany Medical, came to Chicago to begin a Stem Cell Mobilization, and I'm back in a hospital because of an exacerbation! I couldn't wait to have the Stem Cell Transplant. I wanted to be relapse and hospital free.
The next morning when I awoke, my symptoms were much worse. I not only had vertigo, but I was having trouble walking once again. The muscles in my legs felt tight and hurt so badly, I didn't want to use them. I attempted to stand up, but my legs shook violently and my right ankle refused to drop to the floor, making it impossible to bear weight on it. I flopped my body back onto the bed.
My arms quivered fiercely and hurt extremely bad, and my hands torqued tightly into the shape of a claw. I could barely move them, much less open them.
I began to panic...I didn't know how I would be able to use a cane or a walker, if I couldn't use my hands.
I knew I had to begin physical therapy right away to help lessen the spasticity and keep my body moving. I needed someone to push me through the pain and help me use my hands so I could begin walking again.
However, another part of me, longed to be left alone. I wanted to draw the shades, lay in darkness and let the world fall apart around me. I didn't want to feel the "light" or "hope." I didn't need to feel anything anymore...I was in so much agony, I yearned for it all to end. I gasped for air... and choked down my tears. All I knew was I wanted to die.
Just then, I felt a severe migraine pain radiate over the left side of my head, and deep into my brain. I closed me eyes and my mouth opened wide to scream...but nothing came out.
I had been having migraines daily since I had brain surgery just 3 weeks ago, on February 15th, for trigeminal neuralgia.
The immunologist Dr. Testori came into the room...with my chart in his hands. He was one of the doctors which would be handling my Stem Cell Transplant. I felt my body shudder in disgust at his presence. I never forgot meeting him several weeks ago...He talked and looked at me with beady eyes and his words were dripping with disdain when he spoke to me. He treated me with as much sensitivity as a lab rat! He didn't care how I felt, what my symptoms were or what my name was because I was only an experiment. I was number 89 to him, and nothing more.
Tomorrow I will continue the story...with Dr. Testori
Read the beginning of this story here.
The next morning when I awoke, my symptoms were much worse. I not only had vertigo, but I was having trouble walking once again. The muscles in my legs felt tight and hurt so badly, I didn't want to use them. I attempted to stand up, but my legs shook violently and my right ankle refused to drop to the floor, making it impossible to bear weight on it. I flopped my body back onto the bed.
My arms quivered fiercely and hurt extremely bad, and my hands torqued tightly into the shape of a claw. I could barely move them, much less open them.
I began to panic...I didn't know how I would be able to use a cane or a walker, if I couldn't use my hands.
I knew I had to begin physical therapy right away to help lessen the spasticity and keep my body moving. I needed someone to push me through the pain and help me use my hands so I could begin walking again.
However, another part of me, longed to be left alone. I wanted to draw the shades, lay in darkness and let the world fall apart around me. I didn't want to feel the "light" or "hope." I didn't need to feel anything anymore...I was in so much agony, I yearned for it all to end. I gasped for air... and choked down my tears. All I knew was I wanted to die.
Just then, I felt a severe migraine pain radiate over the left side of my head, and deep into my brain. I closed me eyes and my mouth opened wide to scream...but nothing came out.
I had been having migraines daily since I had brain surgery just 3 weeks ago, on February 15th, for trigeminal neuralgia.
The immunologist Dr. Testori came into the room...with my chart in his hands. He was one of the doctors which would be handling my Stem Cell Transplant. I felt my body shudder in disgust at his presence. I never forgot meeting him several weeks ago...He talked and looked at me with beady eyes and his words were dripping with disdain when he spoke to me. He treated me with as much sensitivity as a lab rat! He didn't care how I felt, what my symptoms were or what my name was because I was only an experiment. I was number 89 to him, and nothing more.
Tomorrow I will continue the story...with Dr. Testori
Read the beginning of this story here.
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