Holiday Illness

Ever notice how many people on or near the Holidays become ill? Is this a coincidence? I think not!

I believe the lack of vitamin D (from less daylight) and the foods we consume in the Winter and on Holidays are the culprit. We think we can have a piece of pie knowing it's an allergen or harmful (especially to people with an illness) and yet we eat it anyway because we don't want to insult the host and/or because we think, "One piece can't hurt."

The Holidays often bring about the thoughts of yummy foods and we want to eat what every one else is enjoying.

This notion is false. When we eat foods we aren't suppose to or consume too much sugar it's toxic to our bodies. Heck any sugar is toxic and causes inflammation - even in a healthy body.

How do we remedy this?

First deal with the inflammation - drink water with lemon (simple and most affordable way to treat inflammation).

Secondly the sugar causes an overgrowth of candida in our system. To treat this consume black walnut hulls (found at a vitamin store) and take grapefruit seed extract.

To speed the process of removing the candida overgrowth and reducing inflammation hit the gym, exercise, do yoga, stretch, walk and get your heart rate up (in addition take a vitamin D supplement or get sunlight).

Your mind will become more clear after removing the candida overgrowth and pain will subside after treating inflammation.

Next Holiday season offer to bring a dessert and or dishes that are healthier for you to consume to avoid this problem. 

Rant about the world

I don't know what bothers me more - the unseen pain and torture people face with disease or watching ppl innocently eat and live in society until they are diseased. How doesn't our society know what foods are poisonous and should be avoided? Or do we know and boldly eat and welcome the circumstances (thinking this won't happen to me). As a victim of such tragedy in the US I hate it - though I question would I have stopped if I never became ill? I notify my family of such chronic conditions and possible injuries which could plague their bodies from such toxic foods but they laugh off my knowledge even when I show them logical information proving I am right.

How loud should I scream, what must I say, how do I prove the pain behind what lies behind the pharmacist counters, on our grocery shelves and in our vitamin stores? Why don't we question where things come from? Why are we becoming sick and why are there no cures, yet there's a new iPhone ready for purchase before 2 years?

Things like aloe, medical marijuana, rain water, raw milk, etc. are illegal in our country? Why? What are they trying to stop us from doing? Naturally curing ourselves with our unwanted side effects? Should we seek out a medical professional for testing, drugs and advice? What does this provide? Round about ideas to help soothe our minds including antidepressants therapists and pain relievers yet no cure. I too fell victim to this state.

BUT I AM NOW AWAKE

The more studies I read the more I become confused - I always listen to my body (my one true doctor for advice).

There are numerous atrocities in the world but why does this one bother me more than anything else? Because I suffered for years and followed Eastern medicine and was a prisoner in my own home, a prisoner to drugs the doctors and their teachings and so are numerous of others like me. Who would think that by going to a doctor would I be tortured?

Who is to blame for all of this?

Is it not I? Or we? And why do we still ignore what we know or do we not know or do we not believe? Why aren't those who know acting - or are they - but no one is listening?

Look at my body (my scars can't lie), my medical records, my documented list of 14 daily medications I use to take and the stem cell transplant I went through.

Nothing helped me more than stopping the medications, not seeing the doctors, seeking out alternative remedies, remaining positive and staying physically active.

Krypotonite

We all have a host of insecurities, some people will announce them out right while others try to prove strongest where they are weakest.

I hit the gym everyday to hide my insecurities: I have multiple sclerosis, which will eventually cause my body and mind to become weak and not be able to move, and  I have a low self esteem due to body image. Regardless of how many times I go to the gym, how hard I workout, or how good I feel now, my insecurities never seem to leave - in fact they run rampant through my mind when I am idle.

Most people who look at me can't see my invisible diseases and my host of medical issues, and would think I look healthy and fine. On the inside I am weak and frail and my kryptonite is fear.

Don't be fooled because I come across as confident in my intelligence (which I also fear will die because of the MS) because I am truly a little lamb behind my grizzly bear exterior, and my fears plague my thoughts, hiding in the dark shadows of my mind.

What do I fear? I fear food, social parties (because I am suppose to eat or drink), chemicals, becoming ill, losing my mind, not walking, losing my kids and not being able to make art or write.

These days I speak in silence to myself to scared to speak or share some of my thoughts out loud because I fear others will think I'm insane. Instead I keep most ideas to myself...hoping tomorrow will be the day I will share them.

I speak honestly in hopes others will not fear me knowing I wish only to help, but instead some people read my blunt honest nature as a facade and wonder what I am hiding. The only thing I hide is my extra skin under my clothes, stretch marks, and scars from numerous surgeries.


I am weak, yet strong.
Outgoing, yet fearful.
Energetic, yet in pain.
Alone, yet fulfilled.
Happy, yet hurt.



And I am now here with you
and you are here in my thoughts
As you read them
know we are connected.
I long to hear you
   please speak.
Become my thoughts
and overshadow my fears.

A Rant

How can something be love when people place conditions on circumstances? When things get difficult people seem to to run away without looking back to save them self without caring for another. Am I not here? Am I not human? Does my medical malady offend you? Is it my fault I couldn't contain my anxiety and suffering...that I was imperfect? That science ruined my mind and body and I am paying the pied piper. How is it that this is so? How can we feel for one situation and not for another? Does my pain make you uncomfortable? Because I don't wear my pain outwardly do you believe me? Because I don't cry or scream can you not hear me? Why is it because I suffer in silence am I any different?

And now I cry...

yet you cannot see my tears

they fall from my from heart like crimson colored hail

my silence it screams

like a rabbit drowning in water

yet you cannot hear it

I tremble

like a volcano erupting

yet you cannot feel it

Because I look normal.

When do people see another? When do they decide that they've suffered enough? Or do they even see it...can they see it? What makes another indifferent - is it their unusual strength, their bold outlook, their lack of normalcy.

Unfortunately and fortunately I am an anomaly - I am not only genetically unique but my perception or outlook on life and society is against what most people believe in or do.

Just by being me - makes me different, yet I am the same. I am connected to everyone and everything...so why do I feel so alone in a sea of people? I am trapped in a society who has yet to awaken and see that they are a part of everyone and everything. That I am no different then you...but yet I am different. How can that make sense? Because you can feel everything I can feel if you allow yourself to open up and feel pain.

But I'm sure you wouldn't want to feel my pain - and yet I want to know your pain...I want to know how you suffer in silence. Do you feel like you are heard? Do you feel like everything you do is for nothing because tomorrow you are going to get back up and do the same thing today all over again tomorrow?

We all wonder when our monotonous pain will end...but some fear of their pain increasing ... like myself.

Normal Crimson Colored Hail

And now I cry...

yet you cannot see my tears

they fall from my from heart like crimson colored hail

my silence it screams

like a rabbit drowning in water

yet you cannot hear it

I tremble

like a volcano erupting

yet you cannot feel it

Because I look normal.

Let 'Your' Story be Heard

I had an artistic epiphany the other day after doing extensive reading . . .

I want to create a participatory artistic book, capable of growing over time as stories are sent to me by ANYONE willing to participate. I am not looking for anything in particular . . . only what you are willing to share. It may be long, a few sentences, poetic, a stream of consciousness, a story . . . what you write in particular doesn't matter, as long as it's from you and it's about an experience or feeling you are willing to share. The book will be hand-bound and hopefully shown in art exhibits over time, your name is not necessary if you are uncomfortable with that, though your initials would be appreciated, as well as your city/state. If however this still makes you uncomfortable you can always use a pen name. So this book will be authored by numerous people and I would love to have YOU added. You may submit as many stories as you'd like.

To complete an online anonymous submission form follow this link.

Unfortunately my experiences alone cannot bring about great change in our shared reality - that is why I need 'you' my readers to participate in this journey with me.

Without your participation this artistic book will not be possible. Please don't feel intimidated about the way you write, grammar, style, or anything else. It is your chance to have your experience/voice heard and shared by others, and with each new entry the collaborative work gains power to evoke empathy in others and allow change and interconnectedness to happen.

Email: cobalt.blue.rs@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rosary.solimanto

Guidelines:
length - any
form - any
feelings - any
prohibited words - none
prohibited topics - none
story - any
name - what ever you are willing to share, ie; Elizabeth Smith, E. Smith, ES, anonymous or Jane Doe
- it must be about you
- and it will never be edited
- feel free to write it out by hand, scan the story and send it
- your email or personal information will never be shared

Thank you for your time and sharing your story.

Previous post: Artistic Statement

My Doctor Prescribed Dancing

Ever have those days where your legs feel like lead weights, your feet shuffle as you walk, and the pain you're experiencing makes it hard to concentrate . . . much less do anything else? Pain can cause your days to be dreadful, wishing you were in your bed, curled up in a fetal position grasping your blanket tightly as you drift in and out of sleep . . . For me it was one of those days. Makes me wonder if my dilapidated body should be shipped off to a glue factory where it could be of use (FYI - I'm only joking).

It's getting harder and harder for me to function these days because my red blood cell count is low. I know, I know what your thinking . . . eat steak or take iron, but it's not that easy. In a recent post I wrote about my current digestive issues which prevent me eating anything other than what the doctors' are permitting. Iron or red meat will only make my constipation worse.

I recently saw a naturopathic doctor, who couldn't really suggest anything for my condition and told me I'm doing everything he would already tell me to do. His practice involved reiki and he evaluated my energy, which revealed rage. I chuckled out loud when he said this because of how true that statement is. He went on further and said that he doesn't think it's a dangerous rage, but one that needs to be released. I then explained my disappointment in the MFA program at SUNY New Paltz because I am doing more reading and writing and not creating art like I'm used to. That my art is a cathartic process which involves a narrative story, but is produced in a passive-aggressive manner. He said "Well why can't you just create art? Aren't you in art school?" I explained that there are numerous academia based assignments always due and no time. That my time at school is constantly divided and I never can fall into my work because I would need to invest at least 5 hours at a time in order to do that. He responded, "You need to remedy that and find something else in the meantime to help release this energy inside of you."

He then recommended dancing, drumming or getting a trampoline to jump up and down on.

There's a part of me that thinks he's a quack, and then there's another part of me that also sees the energy within people and how much that affects their state of mind, and further . . . their body. I know he has a valid point.

And yet I still won't be able to carry out his prescription until next week when I finally have time because it's mid-terms and I have projects, papers and readings due . . .

trust me I'd rather be dancing . . .

Recent related post: The Iron Face

The Iron Face

I am almost half way through this semester . . . it has gone by way too fast. I have been forced to take numerous days off and stay inside because of the polar vortex and the lack of proper snow removal in Kingston. In between the insane weather conditions and dealing with the flu I have been constructing steel boots in the sculpture department. What I thought would be an ordinary task has been anything but that . . . because the departments at SUNY New Paltz are divided and we cannot use other tools, equipment, or ask other professors opinions outside of our department. This has left me in the dark, so to say, with forging steel boots with an oxy-acetylene torch, MIG, plasma cutter, needle nose, a vise, and a tool I fabricated. The process has been long and torturous. I began with half inch thick steel plates to create the sole of the boot, cutting it with an ancient plasma cutter (designed to cut steel 1/4 inch thick) into the approximate size I would need . . . this process took an entire day. I then welded the two pieces of half inch steel together, so the base of the boot would become one inch thick. At this point I decided I should make a prototype from paper mache to see how big I would want it, as well as the shape I desired.

I took the cardboard sole from the prototype and traced it onto the steel. I then began the most labor intensive part of the process, cutting the sole with equipment that couldn't get through the one inch thick steel. After spending a grueling 12 hours on cutting out the soles I was tempted to give up. My body ached, I was filthy, it looked like shit, and I began to wonder if I could even manage to create this piece with the equipment available.

To add to this conundrum, my left leg went numb, my stomach has been bloated and tender and my digestive track wasn't working. Every night I came home from school I have been researching possible causes and solutions to my digestive issue, as well as ordering herbs looking for a natural remedy. I was frightened my multiple sclerosis was on the verge of flaring up and I was entering a relapse because of the neuropathy!

Over the course of two months, I have changed my diet multiple times, tried cleanses, tonics, herbs, liquid diets and fasting . . . everything has only provided temporary relief and has not resolved the problem. I began feeling malnourished, exhausted and realized I needed outside expertise to resolve my medical condition.

My passive aggressive default nature presented itself and I began fighting my problems from all different fronts . . .

I scheduled an appointment with doctor who I saw today.

I then decided to ask the tech (Steve who fixes the equipment in our department) if he had any ideas as to how I could cut the soles of the boots other than the methods I was using. He saw what was happening with the plasma cutter . . . it would begin cutting into the metal, turn into liquid and re-attach itself back onto the metal I was cutting causing ragged edges. He changed the blade on the band saw . . . and . . . voila . . . problem resolved! The cutting began going smoother, less labor intensive, still slow but much more smooth . . . I hugged him I was so grateful.

This week I have almost finished the toe section of the boots, which is the second hardest task in the creation of this art piece. I am finally feeling I can conquer this bitch of an art project and I am getting excited.

I am also happy to report that my leg today has become less numb (hooray) and the feeling is returning.

BUT

my digestive system is still malfunctioning. The doctor has ordered numerous tests and is conferring with the new doctor at his practice - an herbal MD. Unfortunately some of the news they broke to me today has revealed I may have yet another medical condition. Depending on the results of the tests they are performing they will let me know if they think it's necessary I receive a colonoscopy to see if I have diverticulitis or crohn's disease.

When I left the office tears were pooling into my eyes and I could barely breath . . . my hands were trembling and my feet fell numb. I wanted to scream, cry, call someone up, but instead I got into my car and drove away fighting the tears back as I drove home.

I said to myself, "Come on, your stronger than this, you can get through this, there's always alternatives, herbs and remedies . . . this is just another obstacle to overcome and grow from, just don't give up . . . don't give in."

It has been several hours since the doctor's visit and I feel unable to describe my emotions because I am so use to putting on an 'iron face' and revealing no emotion because I don't want to appear depressed or bring other people around me down . . . because I am the woman of steel who surpasses all obstacles and besides I have God and with Him all things are possible.

Below are photos of the steel boots in progress

Previous related post: Artist Statement

Previous post: How I Defeated Multiple Sclerosis

Resolve your Progesterone Problem Naturally

I haven't posted in a while about progesterone, but I should have because I have finally resolved my my hormonal imbalance.

How?

Simple.

First I cut out estrogen producing foods such as: vegetable oil, margarine, canola oil, soy (all types), flax seeds and oil (have the potential for increasing estrogen). I won't even use foods if they contain less than 1% of soy.

Secondly, I found an herb that only increases progesterone without messing with your other hormones. It's called chasteberry. Every other natural remedy I used changed my other hormones, particularly by raising my estrogen. My system was flooded with estrogen before I discovered this remedy and I was nearly hemorrhaging when I menstruated.

The slightly frustrating thing with chasteberry is that it's trial and error with how much to use. Here's a site which discusses when your progesterone levels are at it lowest and highest, you will need to adjust how much you take according to your cycle. Obviously if you miss your period, you need to taper off the chasteberry and if your still bleeding bad you will likely have to increase your dosage.

I can't recommend this herb enough...

it really works and has resolved my hormonal issues.

I only had to take it for several months because it resolved my progesterone problems.