We all have a host of insecurities, some people will announce them out right while others try to prove strongest where they are weakest.
I hit the gym everyday to hide my insecurities: I have multiple sclerosis, which will eventually cause my body and mind to become weak and not be able to move, and I have a low self esteem due to body image. Regardless of how many times I go to the gym, how hard I workout, or how good I feel now, my insecurities never seem to leave - in fact they run rampant through my mind when I am idle.
Most people who look at me can't see my invisible diseases and my host of medical issues, and would think I look healthy and fine. On the inside I am weak and frail and my kryptonite is fear.
Don't be fooled because I come across as confident in my intelligence (which I also fear will die because of the MS) because I am truly a little lamb behind my grizzly bear exterior, and my fears plague my thoughts, hiding in the dark shadows of my mind.
What do I fear? I fear food, social parties (because I am suppose to eat or drink), chemicals, becoming ill, losing my mind, not walking, losing my kids and not being able to make art or write.
These days I speak in silence to myself to scared to speak or share some of my thoughts out loud because I fear others will think I'm insane. Instead I keep most ideas to myself...hoping tomorrow will be the day I will share them.
I speak honestly in hopes others will not fear me knowing I wish only to help, but instead some people read my blunt honest nature as a facade and wonder what I am hiding. The only thing I hide is my extra skin under my clothes, stretch marks, and scars from numerous surgeries.
I am weak, yet strong.
Outgoing, yet fearful.
Energetic, yet in pain.
Alone, yet fulfilled.
Happy, yet hurt.
And I am now here with you
and you are here in my thoughts
As you read them
know we are connected.
I long to hear you
please speak.
Become my thoughts
and overshadow my fears.
I hit the gym everyday to hide my insecurities: I have multiple sclerosis, which will eventually cause my body and mind to become weak and not be able to move, and I have a low self esteem due to body image. Regardless of how many times I go to the gym, how hard I workout, or how good I feel now, my insecurities never seem to leave - in fact they run rampant through my mind when I am idle.
Most people who look at me can't see my invisible diseases and my host of medical issues, and would think I look healthy and fine. On the inside I am weak and frail and my kryptonite is fear.
Don't be fooled because I come across as confident in my intelligence (which I also fear will die because of the MS) because I am truly a little lamb behind my grizzly bear exterior, and my fears plague my thoughts, hiding in the dark shadows of my mind.
What do I fear? I fear food, social parties (because I am suppose to eat or drink), chemicals, becoming ill, losing my mind, not walking, losing my kids and not being able to make art or write.
These days I speak in silence to myself to scared to speak or share some of my thoughts out loud because I fear others will think I'm insane. Instead I keep most ideas to myself...hoping tomorrow will be the day I will share them.
I speak honestly in hopes others will not fear me knowing I wish only to help, but instead some people read my blunt honest nature as a facade and wonder what I am hiding. The only thing I hide is my extra skin under my clothes, stretch marks, and scars from numerous surgeries.
I am weak, yet strong.
Outgoing, yet fearful.
Energetic, yet in pain.
Alone, yet fulfilled.
Happy, yet hurt.
And I am now here with you
and you are here in my thoughts
As you read them
know we are connected.
I long to hear you
please speak.
Become my thoughts
and overshadow my fears.
