I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis on July 18th, 2001, when I went blind. It was 3 weeks prior to my diagnosis when I noticed a profoundly weird symptom, my left leg went cold and it was strange because when I touched my leg it felt warm. I thought how could this be? My mind says my leg is cold, but my sense of touch said it was not. I decided to go to a walk in clinic for an exam and see what it could be. I would of scheduled an appointment with my doctor, but for one I didn't want to see him after my last visit and two I had no time because I was trying to run my store in Lake George. I was also trying to get my house ready because I was moving in soon.
I went to Northcare, in Glens Falls, NY, and was seen by a nurse practitioner. I explained how my leg felt, and she asked if I've had any back injuries? I told her my back doesn't hurt and I've not injured it anytime recently. She then asked what I was doing with my day? I explained I was working in my gift shop and sheet rocking my house. She said, "You must of injured your back when you were lifting something." I thought its a possibilty, but my back didn't hurt.
I replied, "How could I have a back injury if my back doesn't hurt?"
She said, "You must of injured your back and its your sciatic nerve causing this sensation."
The nurse practitioner told me to take five Advil every 4 hours to relieve the swelling in my back. I left and thought, why would I take Advil, my back doesn't hurt? The diagnosis seemed absurd, as did 5 Advil, and I left feeling disappointed and confused.
Three weeks later, it was moving day. I was completely exhausted from barely sleeping. I was working 12-14 hours a day and getting up at 5am to work on the house. My body felt like it was in slow motion, my body seemed to sway and I was completely off balance. I attributed these symptoms to lack of sleep, exhaustion and overworking my body. I didn't realize what could and would happen next.
I was waiting for the moving truck to arrive at my house, it was a hot Summer's day, and I was on my hard wood floors removing the staples which were left behind after I pulled the carpets up. I was sitting on the floor, trying to focus, I could feel a sway in my body, a shake in my hands, the sweat rolling down my face as I was using a pair of needle nose and tweezers scouring the floor. I was removing every staple and feeling lightheaded and dizzy. The sun was beating on the hardwood floors causing a bright glare to bounce up and hit me in the eyes. I remember closing my eyes and wiping the sweat from my brow. When I reopened my eyes there was a giant black spot in my vision! I thought the sun caused a temporary blindness, from the reflection in floors. I didn't give it much thought because just then the truck arrived and I needed to get moving my stuff, I needed to get to my store, I needed a home situated as soon as possible for my kids.
I stood up and swayed sideways, stumbled, lost my balance and stepped on a rusty staple. I thought, great I have to go to the doctors now to get a tetanus shot! I have no time, how am I going to do that? I went over to the truck, my muscles were trembling all over, but continued on and began moving my stuff into my new house.
It was the next morning and I remember waking and still seeing the blind spot in my eye. I rolled over and said to my husband, "Honey I have a giant black spot in my eye."
He replied, "It's probably nothing."
I thought, like he even cares. So I decided to get up and go on with my day. I knew I needed to go to the doctors for the tetanus shot. I went to my new house and continued moving furniture and other things from the UHaul and my best friend Rhonda showed up to help. It was about 5pm and I asked if she'd go with me to the walk in clinic because of the staple I stepped on. Rhonda accompanied me to Northcare and we waited almost two hours until I was finally called. I was very frustrated and anxious, I felt like I was wasting time, but I didn't want to get lock jaw from the rusty staple. I saw a nurse and she said although its a small abrasion a doctor would still have to come and look at it. I sighed..I thought am I ever leaving? The doctor came quickly and examined my foot, and rushed away. When he was down the hallway, I mustered up enough courage and called him back over, "Hey Doc...I have a question for you..."
The doctor hurried back over and I asked, "I have a weird question for you...what does it mean if I close this eye (my left) and I see a giant black spot in the other eye?"
He replied, "That's nothing. We all have floaters in our eyes."
"No Doc, I'm not referring to a tiny floater in my eye. Look... I close my left eye and I look out my right, and see a giant black spot." I outstretched my arms and suggested the size of the blackness in my eye to him.
"Oh my gosh! You need to get over to the emergency room right away! The eyes are nothing to mess around with, you only have two!"
I left the clinic and turned to Rhonda, "Do you think the doctor was suggesting I go to the hospital to prevent a lawsuit? Don't you think he was exaggerating?"
"Rosary whether he was exaggerating or not, I agree the eyes are nothing to mess around with," replied Rhonda.
I went over to Glens Falls hospital and Rhonda stayed briefly because she had to take her daughter home. I was called into triage rather quickly where the nurse took all of my vitals and then took me over to the eye chart. She had me cover my left eye and asked me to read the letters. I said, "I know there's an E at the top, but I can't see it."
She said, "Can you read any of the letters?"
"No, I can't. I don't even see the chart. All I see out of this eye is the floor and the ceiling."
The nurse exclaimed, "Oh my gosh! That's not a black spot! You're blind!"
While she was rushing me into an exam room she grabbed a doctor on the way. "We have a patient blind in her one eye." I thought...blind?
The doctor followed behind us into an exam room. I thought, wow, this is great service! I will be out of here in no time.
The doctor use a small apparatus with a light on it and examined my eye. He left the room and came back with another physician. The two doctors examined my eye for half an hour! They left and returned to tell me, that the opthamologist on call said there was no point in seeing me that night because I've been blind for 24 hours and there would be no difference if I saw him the next day. I then asked, "What is wrong with my eye?"
The doctor replied, "There is technically nothing wrong with your eye. Its not your eye that's damaged, but rather its something which is preventing your eye from seeing images."
I said, "So what are you trying to say? What could this be?"
"I'm not sure exactly. The opthamologist must first rule out there's nothing wrong with your eye and I'm sure he will. We can then figure out what's causing this problem."
"I don't understand doc...what could be doing this?"
"It's probably one of three things, you had a stroke, you have a brain tumor, or its a serious disease."
My jaw hung wide open...I couldn't speak. All I could think is what!? I have a tumor? I've had a stroke? I have a disease?!!! I could barely breath and couldn't fathom having any of these medical problems. All of my options sounded horrendous...I didn't want any of these problems he mentioned. They all seemed bad, not one possibility was better to have then the other.
"Ms. Solimanto you need to go home and rest. Do not do anything strenuous until we figure what's wrong with you."
"How can I do that doc? I'm in the process of moving and I have a store that one run itself...I can't do that! I need to work!" I thought maybe he was exaggerating....
"You have to wait until we diagnose you. Anything you may have is serious."
I went to my new home, reclined into my chair...looked at the mess around me and felt nauseous. All I knew was I needed to work. My head was racing with too many thoughts...I didn't know what was going on...and thought God help me...
Read the next installment of this story here.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Symptoms of Female Hysteria?
Before I was officially diagnosed with multiple sclerosis I thought I was going insane! I had many small symptoms that warranted my attention and brought me to the doctor.
Four years prior to my diagnosis I was 18 years old and remember having tremors and shakes on one side of my body. I went to the doctor's who sent me to a neurologist, but the appointment was weeks away. Two days before my appointment my shakes/ tremors ceased and I cancelled my appointment...how I wish I never did this.
Then when I was 20, shortly after the birth of my son, I noticed I'd awake in the morning with my hands hurting and curled into what looked like a claw. My feet would also hurt and become torqued in a weird position. I never said anything to anyone because I thought it was from working too hard. After all, I was a full time college student and ran my own business.
However, after my daughter was born I was 21 almost 22, I began wetting the bed! I found this absolutely humiliating, so I'd scrub out the urine stain before my husband noticed and I'd flip the mattress. Who would of thought it was something medically concerning? How could I tell anyone? I thought I couldn't control my bodily functions and I was beyond embarrassed to admit it.
During my bouts of incontinence, when I was about the same age, I awoke one morning to my daughter crying. I attempted to get out of bed and stand on my feet. Instead I fell to the floor because I could barely use my limbs and bare weight on them. I found myself using my arms to drag myself across the floor to her. Obviously, I knew at this point there was something wrong! Although the episode of weakened limbs may have lasted 10 minutes, I knew deep down I had something medically wrong with me. So later that day I scheduled an appointment with my general practitioner whom I saw a few weeks later.
When I saw him, I told him about my hands and feet, and explained my mysterious loss of my limbs to him. He ordered a test for rheumatoid arthritis and told me to go on a diet and to exercise. Can you imagine how I felt? The doctor ordered me away with blood work and no concern....I felt insulted, degraded, frustrated and beyond humiliated.
I began to wonder, was I insane? I knew what I felt, I knew that my symptoms weren't ordinary. So why was I being dismissed so easily by my own doctor? I buried all of my thoughts and pains away and pretended they didn't exist. After all, my blood work came back normal. So I was led to believe there was nothing wrong with me other than female hysteria and being overweight. The doctor probably thought I was sitting around shoveling my face full of food in front of a TV, but I wasn't. I was working my store at 60+ hours a week, sheet rocking a house I recently bought and going to college. My problem was I wan't making wise choices as to where to eat because I was always on the go. I was consuming a lot of fast food out of convenience because I lacked time. In fact I was barely sleeping at this point and was completely exhausted, and I began to think was my lack of sleep causing me delusional manifestations? Maybe the doctor was right? Maybe I was overreacting?
I stayed quiet and didn't complain until July 2001, when I was 22.
Four years prior to my diagnosis I was 18 years old and remember having tremors and shakes on one side of my body. I went to the doctor's who sent me to a neurologist, but the appointment was weeks away. Two days before my appointment my shakes/ tremors ceased and I cancelled my appointment...how I wish I never did this.
Then when I was 20, shortly after the birth of my son, I noticed I'd awake in the morning with my hands hurting and curled into what looked like a claw. My feet would also hurt and become torqued in a weird position. I never said anything to anyone because I thought it was from working too hard. After all, I was a full time college student and ran my own business.
However, after my daughter was born I was 21 almost 22, I began wetting the bed! I found this absolutely humiliating, so I'd scrub out the urine stain before my husband noticed and I'd flip the mattress. Who would of thought it was something medically concerning? How could I tell anyone? I thought I couldn't control my bodily functions and I was beyond embarrassed to admit it.
During my bouts of incontinence, when I was about the same age, I awoke one morning to my daughter crying. I attempted to get out of bed and stand on my feet. Instead I fell to the floor because I could barely use my limbs and bare weight on them. I found myself using my arms to drag myself across the floor to her. Obviously, I knew at this point there was something wrong! Although the episode of weakened limbs may have lasted 10 minutes, I knew deep down I had something medically wrong with me. So later that day I scheduled an appointment with my general practitioner whom I saw a few weeks later.
When I saw him, I told him about my hands and feet, and explained my mysterious loss of my limbs to him. He ordered a test for rheumatoid arthritis and told me to go on a diet and to exercise. Can you imagine how I felt? The doctor ordered me away with blood work and no concern....I felt insulted, degraded, frustrated and beyond humiliated.
I began to wonder, was I insane? I knew what I felt, I knew that my symptoms weren't ordinary. So why was I being dismissed so easily by my own doctor? I buried all of my thoughts and pains away and pretended they didn't exist. After all, my blood work came back normal. So I was led to believe there was nothing wrong with me other than female hysteria and being overweight. The doctor probably thought I was sitting around shoveling my face full of food in front of a TV, but I wasn't. I was working my store at 60+ hours a week, sheet rocking a house I recently bought and going to college. My problem was I wan't making wise choices as to where to eat because I was always on the go. I was consuming a lot of fast food out of convenience because I lacked time. In fact I was barely sleeping at this point and was completely exhausted, and I began to think was my lack of sleep causing me delusional manifestations? Maybe the doctor was right? Maybe I was overreacting?
I stayed quiet and didn't complain until July 2001, when I was 22.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Defeating Multiple Sclerosis: Intro
I'm looking for courage to write what I must, and that requires me to face my demons. To examine my past experiences and share them because I want to let *you* know, "You are not alone."
The only way I can do that, is to let go of my fears, accept my mistakes as experiences and write. You'd think I'd find this easy considering I'm an artist, but this is not. I'm afraid that when I write about my past you will judge me from all of my wrong doings and I guess if you do, you fail to realize my mistakes have become my experiences, which make me unique. I am full of mistakes, and an far from perfect. If I can briefly start to explain my experiences, I may find that future posts will become easier.
I am 33 years old, I've been abused in many ways, by many people, I've been married and divorced, have lived on my own since I was 16, have sole responsibility for my two children, have done drugs legally and illegally, have accomplished almost two Bachelor Degrees (Fine Arts and English), have owned a business, have a real estate license, and of course... I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at 22, had a stem cell transplant at 29, and currently completely healthy (no relapses) for over 4 years!
I will begin proving my story is not an insane rant, but rather an honest telling of my journey and this is why I provided a link from a local newspaper about the stem cell transplant I received. I hope to not only enlighten you with my journey, but also I want to share with you how I manage to stay happy and healthy everyday, with the use of certain vitamins/ amino acids (I will not sell you), a low stress lifestyle and the medical benefits of exercise. I have researched this information for over 11 years. This is only a beginning...I will continue to furnish the truth publicly...in future writings.
http://poststar.com/news/article_14512671-ff0f-5fb9-8e2d-1ce0e6169380.html
The only way I can do that, is to let go of my fears, accept my mistakes as experiences and write. You'd think I'd find this easy considering I'm an artist, but this is not. I'm afraid that when I write about my past you will judge me from all of my wrong doings and I guess if you do, you fail to realize my mistakes have become my experiences, which make me unique. I am full of mistakes, and an far from perfect. If I can briefly start to explain my experiences, I may find that future posts will become easier.
I am 33 years old, I've been abused in many ways, by many people, I've been married and divorced, have lived on my own since I was 16, have sole responsibility for my two children, have done drugs legally and illegally, have accomplished almost two Bachelor Degrees (Fine Arts and English), have owned a business, have a real estate license, and of course... I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at 22, had a stem cell transplant at 29, and currently completely healthy (no relapses) for over 4 years!
I will begin proving my story is not an insane rant, but rather an honest telling of my journey and this is why I provided a link from a local newspaper about the stem cell transplant I received. I hope to not only enlighten you with my journey, but also I want to share with you how I manage to stay happy and healthy everyday, with the use of certain vitamins/ amino acids (I will not sell you), a low stress lifestyle and the medical benefits of exercise. I have researched this information for over 11 years. This is only a beginning...I will continue to furnish the truth publicly...in future writings.
http://poststar.com/news/article_14512671-ff0f-5fb9-8e2d-1ce0e6169380.html
Saturday, June 16, 2012
I've never wrote a post on a blog before..this is my first attempt. I've always believed that to begin something you must first "start". For starting and or beginning something is the most challenging of all. Once we've begun, continuing from that point is easier.
Sometimes we don't know where to begin, or we question where to begin or we are scared to begin or even afraid of making a mistake. I'd rather make mistakes and do what I can then do nothing at all.
For where does one begin? How do we begin?
We first begin with our thoughts and ideas and sometimes transpose them into a tangible outline and or drawing. Personally I prefer to continue creating, drawing, fabricating in my mind. I guess that makes me selfish and possibly lazy. However, in my mind I can't spell things wrong, I'm not confined to a key board or to paper. I feel boundless and free only to the limits in which my mind finds.
These limits are because of comments which people make, whether they are cruel, honest or kind, it doesn't matter. If someone was to say to me about a painting, "That's the perfect amount of green." I'd then re-evaluate the green on the painting. Whether I was going to or not. Then I'd think of their work, education and other opinions they've offered to me or to others, to see whether I should even listen to what they are saying. However, even if I feel they are not qualified I'd still look at the green because they've remarked on it. I'd debate whether I'd agree or disagree, but regardless if I did or didn't I've been known to spite others comments and do completely the opposite by either adding more or taking away the color. Sometimes this wouldn't be out of spite, but I'd do it to challenge their opinion because by adding more or taking it away I could prove their comment held no valid point.
I know that when I do this I sometimes cut off my nose to spite my face. In other words, I may agree with them, but decide to change it because now from their comment...I want to. This is why I prefer to create in my mind...free of comments by others and free of thought.
I have found that with my last painting which I did (which was for an installation) that headphones were an ally to creating my work. It stopped the world around me and freed me from what others could say to me..whether it was about my painting or not because it doesn't matter what one could say to you. They could ask you a question, such as if they could borrow something. What this does is stop you from working and derail your creative process you were in.
Do I think this is selfish? To ignore the world around you while you are creating? No, I don't! In fact I find it necessary in order to have free thoughts and associations to what you are doing. I find that people interrupting you are a hindrance and hence a hindrance to my work.
I'm not saying that one should be cut off from contact from people, but limited to the interactions with people, while he or she is working. So they are within their mind, which is free and limitless.
As I am writing this...I am thinking about this subject and it has begun my wheels turning because recently I've found myself cut off from funding to art school. My FASFA and TAP are at their limits and my loans have almost reached a maximum allowed for an undergrad and yes I have chosen to remain an undergrad although I have enough credits to graduate with two degrees. I have chosen this because I wasn't accepted into grad school. I was told tat my work wasn't complicated enough. That my area of concentration wasn't specified enough. That I need more of a specific area of focus...such as sculpture. And so I was going to continue as an undergrad until I just found out about my financial aid crisis..thanks to a new law which was implemented just recently. WTF? AHHHHHHHHH !!!! That was me screaming...I mean seriously now what? I'm not in grad school because I need more sculpture courses to create a better portfolio with an emphasis on sculpture...but I'm out of financial aid. My wonderful BF (Matthew Cassidy) had a great idea of using VESID because of my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. So I went to the orientation..only to find out they can help me...but not until January! So I'm feeling screwed and let down....and like a failure. I hate stop signs...delays..derailments...or BS like this!
Yes Ive defeated a disease..yes I can do what I put my mind to (God willing), but this is just bull shit...I'm a great student..I'm hard working, focused, determined...and well..no. I don't take like being told "no". I've always like to think there are other options but I'm feeling there are none. Or maybe this is God trying to push me into something else.What He's trying to tell me I have no idea? Maybe that I should apply to another college or maybe I shouldn't be in college or maybe that I should get a dumb job and become like everyone else...well maybe not the last idea lol. I mean why would God have me go through a crippling disease and a stem cell transplant and a divorce and abuse...to work at Walmart? Neyhhh....I don't think so...I feel I have a true purpose in this world.
Maybe God agrees with me about commentary from others and doesn't want me in college to I am not subject to being torn down by others...maybe He wants me to become more disciplined and work on my own? Well if that is the case then I need to designate time each day to work and stop finding excuses to not be doing my work. However, a studio would be wonderful..I'd get the place to do my work which I find is necessary for someone like me. Its hard for me to work at home..I'm always running into distractions...and well I've attempted to work at my BF's place but he's one heck of a distraction lol. And the pathetic thing is..I almost welcome him as a distraction..which is very bad. Okay...so what I am realizing after this blog is I need to sit down with him tomorrow and discuss my thoughts which I have wrote down here and let him know that if I am to work there I am going to make hours to do so and they will not be interrupted by him...that I love him...but I love art and I love my work. I have found that regardless of what happens in my life..that if I have my art..I can breath, I can live and I can work through my problems.
However, when I'm not working and creating my art...that I am without passion, love, zest, and zeal for life. When I'm creating I find my focus, my Zen my sole purpose and intended purpose for living!
To create the awe...the emotion which is without words or impossible of description. I want my work to be jarring and to be called, "weird" or "interesting" because they can't find the words, for their are no words only a correlated emotion which is invoked through my work.
That is what I create...the inexplicable awe.
Sometimes we don't know where to begin, or we question where to begin or we are scared to begin or even afraid of making a mistake. I'd rather make mistakes and do what I can then do nothing at all.
For where does one begin? How do we begin?
We first begin with our thoughts and ideas and sometimes transpose them into a tangible outline and or drawing. Personally I prefer to continue creating, drawing, fabricating in my mind. I guess that makes me selfish and possibly lazy. However, in my mind I can't spell things wrong, I'm not confined to a key board or to paper. I feel boundless and free only to the limits in which my mind finds.
These limits are because of comments which people make, whether they are cruel, honest or kind, it doesn't matter. If someone was to say to me about a painting, "That's the perfect amount of green." I'd then re-evaluate the green on the painting. Whether I was going to or not. Then I'd think of their work, education and other opinions they've offered to me or to others, to see whether I should even listen to what they are saying. However, even if I feel they are not qualified I'd still look at the green because they've remarked on it. I'd debate whether I'd agree or disagree, but regardless if I did or didn't I've been known to spite others comments and do completely the opposite by either adding more or taking away the color. Sometimes this wouldn't be out of spite, but I'd do it to challenge their opinion because by adding more or taking it away I could prove their comment held no valid point.
I know that when I do this I sometimes cut off my nose to spite my face. In other words, I may agree with them, but decide to change it because now from their comment...I want to. This is why I prefer to create in my mind...free of comments by others and free of thought.
I have found that with my last painting which I did (which was for an installation) that headphones were an ally to creating my work. It stopped the world around me and freed me from what others could say to me..whether it was about my painting or not because it doesn't matter what one could say to you. They could ask you a question, such as if they could borrow something. What this does is stop you from working and derail your creative process you were in.
Do I think this is selfish? To ignore the world around you while you are creating? No, I don't! In fact I find it necessary in order to have free thoughts and associations to what you are doing. I find that people interrupting you are a hindrance and hence a hindrance to my work.
I'm not saying that one should be cut off from contact from people, but limited to the interactions with people, while he or she is working. So they are within their mind, which is free and limitless.
As I am writing this...I am thinking about this subject and it has begun my wheels turning because recently I've found myself cut off from funding to art school. My FASFA and TAP are at their limits and my loans have almost reached a maximum allowed for an undergrad and yes I have chosen to remain an undergrad although I have enough credits to graduate with two degrees. I have chosen this because I wasn't accepted into grad school. I was told tat my work wasn't complicated enough. That my area of concentration wasn't specified enough. That I need more of a specific area of focus...such as sculpture. And so I was going to continue as an undergrad until I just found out about my financial aid crisis..thanks to a new law which was implemented just recently. WTF? AHHHHHHHHH !!!! That was me screaming...I mean seriously now what? I'm not in grad school because I need more sculpture courses to create a better portfolio with an emphasis on sculpture...but I'm out of financial aid. My wonderful BF (Matthew Cassidy) had a great idea of using VESID because of my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. So I went to the orientation..only to find out they can help me...but not until January! So I'm feeling screwed and let down....and like a failure. I hate stop signs...delays..derailments...or BS like this!
Yes Ive defeated a disease..yes I can do what I put my mind to (God willing), but this is just bull shit...I'm a great student..I'm hard working, focused, determined...and well..no. I don't take like being told "no". I've always like to think there are other options but I'm feeling there are none. Or maybe this is God trying to push me into something else.What He's trying to tell me I have no idea? Maybe that I should apply to another college or maybe I shouldn't be in college or maybe that I should get a dumb job and become like everyone else...well maybe not the last idea lol. I mean why would God have me go through a crippling disease and a stem cell transplant and a divorce and abuse...to work at Walmart? Neyhhh....I don't think so...I feel I have a true purpose in this world.
Maybe God agrees with me about commentary from others and doesn't want me in college to I am not subject to being torn down by others...maybe He wants me to become more disciplined and work on my own? Well if that is the case then I need to designate time each day to work and stop finding excuses to not be doing my work. However, a studio would be wonderful..I'd get the place to do my work which I find is necessary for someone like me. Its hard for me to work at home..I'm always running into distractions...and well I've attempted to work at my BF's place but he's one heck of a distraction lol. And the pathetic thing is..I almost welcome him as a distraction..which is very bad. Okay...so what I am realizing after this blog is I need to sit down with him tomorrow and discuss my thoughts which I have wrote down here and let him know that if I am to work there I am going to make hours to do so and they will not be interrupted by him...that I love him...but I love art and I love my work. I have found that regardless of what happens in my life..that if I have my art..I can breath, I can live and I can work through my problems.
However, when I'm not working and creating my art...that I am without passion, love, zest, and zeal for life. When I'm creating I find my focus, my Zen my sole purpose and intended purpose for living!
To create the awe...the emotion which is without words or impossible of description. I want my work to be jarring and to be called, "weird" or "interesting" because they can't find the words, for their are no words only a correlated emotion which is invoked through my work.
That is what I create...the inexplicable awe.
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