Part II - Human versus Pain

The nurse came in and attempted to put an IV in, but she couldn't manage to hit the vein because it rolled . . . I tried warning her about the vein she was attempting. She left the room and another nurse entered - I figured here's the person they call when there's difficulty. . . yes . . . finally some pain relief.

I couldn't believe it, I was happy I was going to find relief through drugs. I consoled myself with the thought, when I left the hospital I would find a way to get a handle on the pain naturally, this was just a minor set back.

My nurse came back in with the meds in hand, and pushed the morphine in . . .

Whoosh - a warm sensation fell over my entire my body like an avalanche. I closed my eyes and thanked God my partner forced me here and could find some relief almost instantly. I opened my eyes and watched as she she pushed the valium in . . .

I felt the tension in my neck muscles relax rapidly, all of my anxieties disappeared, as well as my mind. I began having trouble thinking. There was a time delay from what I was thinking to what I could comprehend. This is when I remembered what I hated so much about pain medication - I couldn't think.

About 15 minutes rolled by as I slipped in and out of sleep and reality, and my hand finally stopped squeezing the muscle that was tightened. I could finally adjust my neck so my face wasn't shoved into the bed . . . the pain was finally bearable and my mind was gone.

The doctor came back in and ordered a CAT scan of my neck to see what was going on in there. I'm not sure how long it was before I was transported to imaging because I couldn't evaluate the lapse of time.

The lady in imaging was kind, quick and tried not to make me anymore uncomfortable then I already was.

I was back in my room before I knew it and continued to roll in and out of consciousness until the doctor reappeared.

"Your CAT scan revealed a bulged a disc at c4 and c5. I am referring you over to neurosurgeon. Did you have one in particular you want to see?"

I replied, "I don't want a neurosurgeon - they are a surgeon and get paid to operate. No one is cutting me open."

"What about an orthopedic?"

"Do you mean an orthopedic surgeon? They're the same as a neurosurgeon. Do you have an any other suggestions other then surgeons? How about an osteopath? I've heard they practice natural medicine. I need options and alternatives and am open to any other suggestions, other than surgeons."

The doctor left the room, but returned quite quickly with another doctor. "I'd like to introduce Dr. Triplett, an osteopath."

I smiled and felt relieved - I talked with Dr. Triplett about his practice and what he does, soft tissue manipulation. I explained my personal view on medication and explained how I prefer to do things naturally and that I hadn't opted to come here, but rather my body forced it upon me.

At times I have been faced with excrutiating pain such as this occurance. Are there any clear cut options and alternatives when it comes to emergencies? I'd be more than happy to hear of other people's thoughts and views as to how we can deal with pain - emergency or not.

It's important to weigh all of the options, listen to other people and their stories of how they overcame pain - emergency or non emergency pain - it's all the same. It's about we handle our day to day lives struggling, living and feeling exhausted from dealing with any type of affliction.

Unfortunately the pain medication I left the hospital with rendered it impossible for me to do any of my graduate course work. I couldn't read, comprehend, write, or make anything. I went off the medication early and switched to ibuprofen, went back to my crazy tea concoction and set up an appointment with the osteopath.

The other day I had my first soft tissue manipulation by an osteopath . . . the mobility in my neck has improved, the tightening of muscles has lessened. I have been working on the stretches she gave me and have been resting (this is hard for me to do because I have so much to do between graduate school, dog, kids, and partner). I had to let things fall behind, and am attempting not to stress out and just do the best I can do.

That's it . . . just doing the best I can everyday, with what I have to work with. Always looking for alternatives, and working to the best of my ability with all of my obstacles I have to deal with, but I will never give up.

I will keep on trying . . .

Part I to this post: The Battle: Human versus Pain

The Battle: Human versus Pain

Suffering with pain - never an easy feat. Every morning waking and feeling discomfort, and as the day progresses feeling the pain increase and intensify. Everybody's pain is different, from mental, physical and/ or spiritual. For those people like myself, who have been diagnosed with an illness, pain becomes a shadow that follows us even into darkness.

How do we deal with pain? Where do we find comfort and relief? What options do we have and which do we decide on using?

Thursday last week I left school early because I was in a tremendous amount of pain. When I would step I could feel electricity shoot down through my legs, my shoulder was burning and my neck was killing me. I felt completely worn out and needed to go home and lay down (I never take a break I usually push through pain and get through the day).

I came home, completely bummed out that I couldn't finish my class or complete my work I needed to get done. I went directly to the couch and laid down, exhausted and in agony. I begged my partner to get me a contour pillow at the store, remembering when I had owned one years ago it helped with neck pain. I was laying on the sofa but couldn't go to sleep - all I could do was complain and rant . . . I was a miserable wretch, the pain was intensifying.

I got my pillow, drank several cups of anti-inflammatory/ anti-stress/ detoxifying herbal tea (a concoction of marshmallow root, holy basil, ashwagandha, cayenne, turmeric, chlorella,  ginger, skull cap, burdock root and nettle leaf), applied a liberal amount comfrey balm, laid down on my new contour pillow and prayed I'd find relief and fall asleep.

A couple of hours went by and I was still awake! I was completely frustrated - I decided to take 10mg of melatonin, huperzine-A and ZMA - and knock myself out.

I awoke, sat up and began putting on gym clothes (as I always do first thing in the morning) and I could feel the pain tightening in my left shoulder and neck again. So I flexed my shoulder blades back together and felt a crack, then tilted my head to the right to crack my neck . . . .

POP

That was it, I fell back down on the bed, with my gym pants wrapped around my ankles, screaming in agony. . . .

H E L P !

My partner awoke suddenly and came rushing over, "Oh my gosh . . . what happened? What's wrong?"

I screamed, "My neck, my neck, my fucking neck!"

"What should I do?"

"I don't know. Does it look like I know? Just help. . . please help. . . " I was pleading, yelping and tears were streaming down my face.

He didn't know if he should move me, he was worried I would get injured more. "Should I call an ambulance?"

I replied loud and afraid, "Yes. No...I don't know. I don't want an ambulance. . . it's so embarrassing,"

"I really don't want to move you! I'm calling an ambulance. You have to go to the hospital."

I kinda felt relieved he was forcing this upon me - I didn't want him to lift me - I was afraid of my neck moving, but I was too strong to fully admit I needed an ambulance.

The paramedic arrived and moved quickly trying to figure out the best way to move me. They were scared of putting me in a collar, or moving my head because I seemed to have found a position with my head crooked into the bed, with my hand squeezing into my trapezius where I found some relief.

They asked me if I had any allergies - I began listing them off one by one (saying about 6 of them and having trouble remembering all of them) and they were afraid of administering anything to me.

I was carried out by 2 men, on plastic orange blanket of some sort, placed in the ambulance and driven to the Kingston Hospital.

I was met by a doctor as soon as I was pushed off onto the bed. I was met by the usual questions, what's your name, what happened, what medications are you on, what are you allergic to and what's your medical history. Unfortunately, my medical history is long and my list of allergies is extensive.

"I have multiple sclerosis, had a stem cell transplant, trigeminal neuralgia, 2 brain surgeries for the trigeminal, 3 left knee surgeries, gall bladder surgery,  hypopituitarism/ hypothyroid, 2 c-sections, and 2 pertruding discs in my lower back." Unfortunately when I prattled off my history I was interrupted by a look of shock and was asked to repeat it slower so he could write it all down.

We went into my anaphylaxic reaction to pain medications and he became worried about administering anything to me. I said, "I use to get prescribed morphine, hydrocodone and valium . . . and didn't have reactions to those meds."

"Okay, so let get an IV into you and get you some morphine and valium."

I felt relieved, anxious and defeated. How am I giving into prescription pain medication again? Do I even have a choice? I don't even take OTC pain relievers and now I'm gonna do this?! I began to shake, felt very confused and a flood of memories came rushing in . . . of being hospitalized, not being able to walk or barely move,  the pain from multiple sclerosis and feeling forced to take powerful drugs to find relief. I know what these drugs do to your system, from gastrointestinal problems, slowed heart rate, lower blood pressure, building of toxins in my liver and blood . . .

I really didn't want all I had worked up to, believed in and fight for everyday to be crushed. I lived a healthy, holistic lifestyle . . .  and now what does this make me?

Continue the story here: Part II - Human versus Pain

Links to some of my other blog posts:
Emotional Wildfire 
How I Defeated Multiple Sclerosis