Suffering with pain - never an easy feat. Every morning waking and feeling discomfort, and as the day progresses feeling the pain increase and intensify. Everybody's pain is different, from mental, physical and/ or spiritual. For those people like myself, who have been diagnosed with an illness, pain becomes a shadow that follows us even into darkness.
How do we deal with pain? Where do we find comfort and relief? What options do we have and which do we decide on using?
Thursday last week I left school early because I was in a tremendous amount of pain. When I would step I could feel electricity shoot down through my legs, my shoulder was burning and my neck was killing me. I felt completely worn out and needed to go home and lay down (I never take a break I usually push through pain and get through the day).
I came home, completely bummed out that I couldn't finish my class or complete my work I needed to get done. I went directly to the couch and laid down, exhausted and in agony. I begged my partner to get me a contour pillow at the store, remembering when I had owned one years ago it helped with neck pain. I was laying on the sofa but couldn't go to sleep - all I could do was complain and rant . . . I was a miserable wretch, the pain was intensifying.
I got my pillow, drank several cups of anti-inflammatory/ anti-stress/ detoxifying herbal tea (a concoction of marshmallow root, holy basil, ashwagandha, cayenne, turmeric, chlorella, ginger, skull cap, burdock root and nettle leaf), applied a liberal amount comfrey balm, laid down on my new contour pillow and prayed I'd find relief and fall asleep.
A couple of hours went by and I was still awake! I was completely frustrated - I decided to take 10mg of melatonin, huperzine-A and ZMA - and knock myself out.
I awoke, sat up and began putting on gym clothes (as I always do first thing in the morning) and I could feel the pain tightening in my left shoulder and neck again. So I flexed my shoulder blades back together and felt a crack, then tilted my head to the right to crack my neck . . . .
POP
That was it, I fell back down on the bed, with my gym pants wrapped around my ankles, screaming in agony. . . .
H E L P !
My partner awoke suddenly and came rushing over, "Oh my gosh . . . what happened? What's wrong?"
I screamed, "My neck, my neck, my fucking neck!"
"What should I do?"
"I don't know. Does it look like I know? Just help. . . please help. . . " I was pleading, yelping and tears were streaming down my face.
He didn't know if he should move me, he was worried I would get injured more. "Should I call an ambulance?"
I replied loud and afraid, "Yes. No...I don't know. I don't want an ambulance. . . it's so embarrassing,"
"I really don't want to move you! I'm calling an ambulance. You have to go to the hospital."
I kinda felt relieved he was forcing this upon me - I didn't want him to lift me - I was afraid of my neck moving, but I was too strong to fully admit I needed an ambulance.
The paramedic arrived and moved quickly trying to figure out the best way to move me. They were scared of putting me in a collar, or moving my head because I seemed to have found a position with my head crooked into the bed, with my hand squeezing into my trapezius where I found some relief.
They asked me if I had any allergies - I began listing them off one by one (saying about 6 of them and having trouble remembering all of them) and they were afraid of administering anything to me.
I was carried out by 2 men, on plastic orange blanket of some sort, placed in the ambulance and driven to the Kingston Hospital.
I was met by a doctor as soon as I was pushed off onto the bed. I was met by the usual questions, what's your name, what happened, what medications are you on, what are you allergic to and what's your medical history. Unfortunately, my medical history is long and my list of allergies is extensive.
"I have multiple sclerosis, had a stem cell transplant, trigeminal neuralgia, 2 brain surgeries for the trigeminal, 3 left knee surgeries, gall bladder surgery, hypopituitarism/ hypothyroid, 2 c-sections, and 2 pertruding discs in my lower back." Unfortunately when I prattled off my history I was interrupted by a look of shock and was asked to repeat it slower so he could write it all down.
We went into my anaphylaxic reaction to pain medications and he became worried about administering anything to me. I said, "I use to get prescribed morphine, hydrocodone and valium . . . and didn't have reactions to those meds."
"Okay, so let get an IV into you and get you some morphine and valium."
I felt relieved, anxious and defeated. How am I giving into prescription pain medication again? Do I even have a choice? I don't even take OTC pain relievers and now I'm gonna do this?! I began to shake, felt very confused and a flood of memories came rushing in . . . of being hospitalized, not being able to walk or barely move, the pain from multiple sclerosis and feeling forced to take powerful drugs to find relief. I know what these drugs do to your system, from gastrointestinal problems, slowed heart rate, lower blood pressure, building of toxins in my liver and blood . . .
I really didn't want all I had worked up to, believed in and fight for everyday to be crushed. I lived a healthy, holistic lifestyle . . . and now what does this make me?
Continue the story here: Part II - Human versus Pain
Links to some of my other blog posts:
Emotional Wildfire
How I Defeated Multiple Sclerosis
How do we deal with pain? Where do we find comfort and relief? What options do we have and which do we decide on using?
Thursday last week I left school early because I was in a tremendous amount of pain. When I would step I could feel electricity shoot down through my legs, my shoulder was burning and my neck was killing me. I felt completely worn out and needed to go home and lay down (I never take a break I usually push through pain and get through the day).
I came home, completely bummed out that I couldn't finish my class or complete my work I needed to get done. I went directly to the couch and laid down, exhausted and in agony. I begged my partner to get me a contour pillow at the store, remembering when I had owned one years ago it helped with neck pain. I was laying on the sofa but couldn't go to sleep - all I could do was complain and rant . . . I was a miserable wretch, the pain was intensifying.
I got my pillow, drank several cups of anti-inflammatory/ anti-stress/ detoxifying herbal tea (a concoction of marshmallow root, holy basil, ashwagandha, cayenne, turmeric, chlorella, ginger, skull cap, burdock root and nettle leaf), applied a liberal amount comfrey balm, laid down on my new contour pillow and prayed I'd find relief and fall asleep.
A couple of hours went by and I was still awake! I was completely frustrated - I decided to take 10mg of melatonin, huperzine-A and ZMA - and knock myself out.
I awoke, sat up and began putting on gym clothes (as I always do first thing in the morning) and I could feel the pain tightening in my left shoulder and neck again. So I flexed my shoulder blades back together and felt a crack, then tilted my head to the right to crack my neck . . . .
POP
That was it, I fell back down on the bed, with my gym pants wrapped around my ankles, screaming in agony. . . .
H E L P !
My partner awoke suddenly and came rushing over, "Oh my gosh . . . what happened? What's wrong?"
I screamed, "My neck, my neck, my fucking neck!"
"What should I do?"
"I don't know. Does it look like I know? Just help. . . please help. . . " I was pleading, yelping and tears were streaming down my face.
He didn't know if he should move me, he was worried I would get injured more. "Should I call an ambulance?"
I replied loud and afraid, "Yes. No...I don't know. I don't want an ambulance. . . it's so embarrassing,"
"I really don't want to move you! I'm calling an ambulance. You have to go to the hospital."
I kinda felt relieved he was forcing this upon me - I didn't want him to lift me - I was afraid of my neck moving, but I was too strong to fully admit I needed an ambulance.
The paramedic arrived and moved quickly trying to figure out the best way to move me. They were scared of putting me in a collar, or moving my head because I seemed to have found a position with my head crooked into the bed, with my hand squeezing into my trapezius where I found some relief.
They asked me if I had any allergies - I began listing them off one by one (saying about 6 of them and having trouble remembering all of them) and they were afraid of administering anything to me.
I was carried out by 2 men, on plastic orange blanket of some sort, placed in the ambulance and driven to the Kingston Hospital.
I was met by a doctor as soon as I was pushed off onto the bed. I was met by the usual questions, what's your name, what happened, what medications are you on, what are you allergic to and what's your medical history. Unfortunately, my medical history is long and my list of allergies is extensive.
"I have multiple sclerosis, had a stem cell transplant, trigeminal neuralgia, 2 brain surgeries for the trigeminal, 3 left knee surgeries, gall bladder surgery, hypopituitarism/ hypothyroid, 2 c-sections, and 2 pertruding discs in my lower back." Unfortunately when I prattled off my history I was interrupted by a look of shock and was asked to repeat it slower so he could write it all down.
We went into my anaphylaxic reaction to pain medications and he became worried about administering anything to me. I said, "I use to get prescribed morphine, hydrocodone and valium . . . and didn't have reactions to those meds."
"Okay, so let get an IV into you and get you some morphine and valium."
I felt relieved, anxious and defeated. How am I giving into prescription pain medication again? Do I even have a choice? I don't even take OTC pain relievers and now I'm gonna do this?! I began to shake, felt very confused and a flood of memories came rushing in . . . of being hospitalized, not being able to walk or barely move, the pain from multiple sclerosis and feeling forced to take powerful drugs to find relief. I know what these drugs do to your system, from gastrointestinal problems, slowed heart rate, lower blood pressure, building of toxins in my liver and blood . . .
I really didn't want all I had worked up to, believed in and fight for everyday to be crushed. I lived a healthy, holistic lifestyle . . . and now what does this make me?
Continue the story here: Part II - Human versus Pain
Links to some of my other blog posts:
Emotional Wildfire
How I Defeated Multiple Sclerosis
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