It's March 6 of 2008, the day before I begin a clinical trial to treat multiple sclerosis. Tomorrow I will receive my first dose of chemotherapy, in order to have the Stem Cell Mobilization. I had no idea of the torturous months which laid ahead of me. I transformed from an independent woman...to a helpless, frail, human guinea pig.
I would begin with one dose of Cytoxin (chemo), then I'd inject myself with Neupogen for five days, which is actually E. Coli. The objective of Neupogen, is to help my body re-build red blood cells, which are to be harvested, the blood is then prepared for lymphapheresis (where lymphocytes are purified), then I receive 4 more rounds of Cytoxin over four days...which annihilates my immune system...then I'd receive more Neupogen and then re infused with the purified blood, from the mobilization. I had only read of the pain I would endure, in the Stem Cell Transplant Handbook, but I had no idea...how much I'd suffer.
I was on a whirlwind of emotions...one moment I was excited, happy, and full of hope. However, just a few minutes later I was frightened of the complications which could occur. It was strange...I wasn't afraid of dying...I was scared of what could and would happen to my children, and of all the new conditions I could develop from having this done. I couldn't imagine my life any worse then what it was. I was gambling with modern medicine and doctors who had a "God Complex," versus mother nature and what my body could handle.
I remember that evening I was in Chicago, it was cold, windy...and there seemed to be danger lurking all around me. I was paranoid...in the face of every stranger, I couldn't see humanity. I began to feel meek and humble, as I limped to the next city block. I was looking to waste time...I buried my face into my scarf, I tucked my hands into my coat, my neuropathy was burning from the fierce cold wind. I was trying to make it till tomorrow...searching for courage within myself to face the hell that lied ahead.
I would begin with one dose of Cytoxin (chemo), then I'd inject myself with Neupogen for five days, which is actually E. Coli. The objective of Neupogen, is to help my body re-build red blood cells, which are to be harvested, the blood is then prepared for lymphapheresis (where lymphocytes are purified), then I receive 4 more rounds of Cytoxin over four days...which annihilates my immune system...then I'd receive more Neupogen and then re infused with the purified blood, from the mobilization. I had only read of the pain I would endure, in the Stem Cell Transplant Handbook, but I had no idea...how much I'd suffer.
I was on a whirlwind of emotions...one moment I was excited, happy, and full of hope. However, just a few minutes later I was frightened of the complications which could occur. It was strange...I wasn't afraid of dying...I was scared of what could and would happen to my children, and of all the new conditions I could develop from having this done. I couldn't imagine my life any worse then what it was. I was gambling with modern medicine and doctors who had a "God Complex," versus mother nature and what my body could handle.
I remember that evening I was in Chicago, it was cold, windy...and there seemed to be danger lurking all around me. I was paranoid...in the face of every stranger, I couldn't see humanity. I began to feel meek and humble, as I limped to the next city block. I was looking to waste time...I buried my face into my scarf, I tucked my hands into my coat, my neuropathy was burning from the fierce cold wind. I was trying to make it till tomorrow...searching for courage within myself to face the hell that lied ahead.
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